How lockdown is affecting my relationship with my body

Here is a thought that I can barely comprehend: Exactly one year ago, I was running for Knesset.

I had formed a new Women's Party with a bunch of energetic women, and we were on the campaign trail. It's hard to picture, or even remember. I mean, it seems so far away that the coalition has already since collapsed AGAIN but nobody seems to realize or care.

One year ago, not only was I running for Knesset and working 12-hour days, but I was also home alone in my house. That is also something that has become foreign after a year of hunkering down. A year ago, three of my kids were students living in different cities, another was on her post-army world trek, and my husband was in India for weeks or months at a time running his NGO, and I was an empty-nester. The big joke among the women of our party was that I invariably cut short our late-night meetings because I had to get home to walk the dog. I would kvetch to my kids and my husband about how they went along with their lives and left me to take care of Teddy and the house on my own, as if, you know, the mother is the only family member who doesn't really have a life. I'm running for Knesset, I tried to tell them. This may be the most important thing I've ever done in my life. They shrugged.

Or maybe God shrugged. Or maybe God laughed. In a real, Haha just wait! kind of laugh. A very particular, Haha 2020 is coming! kind of laugh.

It really does feel like a lifetime ago. I can barely imagine being out of the house, working, moving around in crowds of people. I don't think I've been home alone since March. I mean, I know for a lot of people, the hunkering down has brought a very painful alone-ness. But for some of us, it has been the opposite, a constant crowd in my nose. That's Corona for you. No gentle middle ground. Only extremes.

It's only been a year but time has sort of lost its meaning. What is now? What is later? When will this end? If at all? What's going to be next year? Next week? Some days I can't even remember what month we're in.

My quarantines have been particularly frenetic....

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