Jewfem Blog

"One educator admitted that he believed in discussing sexual activity (or rather the need for abstinence) even from fourth grade: “ I think that it is self evident that one should teach our students about all halachot that we expect them to observe. As the laws often called "negiah," as well as laws forbidding (among other things) pre-martial sexual relations, are certainly laws we want them to observe, we need to teach them (I bring up the subject of "negiah" in 4th-5th grade, within the context of our Mishna study. I feel it's important that they've heard of this prior to their developing "interest" in the opposite sex.)”, he wrote. “We need to give our students the information they need to fight against the "Yetzer haRa." Read another excerpt of our book, Educating in the Divine Image at The Eden Center blog    

Sara Ivry of Tablet Magazine interviewed Elana for the vox-pop about Educating in the Divine Image. Here's an excerpt: "Take prayer for example. Even among 3- and 4- and 5-year-olds, you have a lot of schools which will still make the boy leading the prayer service, he’ll be the hazzan, what’s called the cantor, the leader. And the girls will be in charge of, you know, choosing a picture or choosing a song or handing out the prayerbooks, the siddurim. So, even then, they’re 3 years old, they’re 4 years old. And the boys are the active leaders. The ones standing in front of the classroom leading. And they’re the ones who get to wear the prayer shawl, the tallit, and they get to make all the brachot, and everybody looks at them and says “Amen” to them. And the girls are the ones, you know, helping out, or looking pretty, or passively taking on other roles. So, that’s one really interesting issue that takes place in early childhood.  "The other one is Shabbat, which is Friday afternoon or Friday morning, where many Jewish schools, and this is not just an Orthodox school thing, but most Jewish schools prepare the children for Shabbat by teaching them that there’s an ima of Shabbat and an abba of Shabbat. Like there is a mother and a father. And schools have many different ways for telling the boys what it means to be the abba, the father, and what it means to be the ima. So, sometimes it’ll be that the boy is in charge of making the blessings on the wine and the girl is in charge of lighting the candles. Sometimes it’s that the boy has to practice singing while the girl has to go home and, you know, bake a cake, for example. But what’s interesting is that in almost every single early childhood classroom, there are gender-segregated roles. So that children from really early on are learning that keeping Shabbat depends on what gender you are. There is a version of Shabbat that’s for boys, and there is a version of Shabbat that’s for girls. Listen to the entire interview here   Read an excerpt of our book, Educating in the Divine Image at The Eden Center blog    

  Chava is about to transform her life --but she needs your help! Chava is a 39-year-old single mother of four who has been dealt some very difficult blows in life and has managed to overcome. Well, almost. She's been on an inspiring journey of finding inner strength and empowerment, but still faces a major financial hurdle. We can help her, with your support.Together we can raise $10,000 and enable Chava achieve the freedom, dignity, and independence that she needs and deserves.- See more at: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/help-chava#sthash.TTwEIjxv.uDPDj5GT.dpuf As of today, February 9, 2014, we have raised over $900 of our goal! Chava is about to transform her life -- but she needs your help! Chava is a 39-year-old single mother of four who has been dealt some very difficult blows in life and has managed to overcome. Well, almost. She's been on an inspiring journey of finding inner strength and empowerment, but still faces a major financial hurdle. We can help her, with your support. Together we can raise $10,000 and enable Chava achieve the freedom, dignity, and independence that she needs and deserves. - See more at: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/help-chava#sthash.TTwEIjxv.uDPDj5GT.dpuf Chava is about to transform her life -- but she needs your help! Chava is a 39-year-old single mother of four who has been dealt some very difficult blows in life and has managed to overcome. Well, almost. She's been on an inspiring journey of finding inner strength and empowerment, but still faces a major financial hurdle. We can help her, with your support. Together we can raise $10,000 and enable Chava achieve the freedom, dignity, and independence that she needs and deserves. - See more at: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/help-chava#sthash.TTwEIjxv.uDPDj5GT.dpuf

Read an excerpt of our new book, Educating in the Divine Image, at The Eden Center blog: "The concept of “modesty” as it is often promulgated has lost its essential meaning and been crudely twisted, manipulated and misused. What once referred to a spiritual demeanor, an internal, personal quest for growth, a framework for building kind and compassionate relationships among people in which no one person claims a high and mighty stance among her or his peers, has evolved into something else entirely. Today, when rabbis talk about modesty or “tzniut”, there is only one issue they have in mind: women’s bodies. "The misuse of this vital concept is not only unhealthy for women, who have become the objects of an almost obsessive religious gaze, but it is also terribly harmful to the religious Jewish community. The gaze on the female body has deprived the religious world of the discourse around the true meaning of modesty, a profound spiritual loss which threatens the very essence of religious practice. "Instead of talking about modesty as spirituality and character, we end up hearing about the lengths of women’s skirts and sleeves.  All around the Orthodox Jewish world, religiousness has become synonymous with women’s dress. The length of the skirt, sleeve or neckline is used like a measuring stick of religious identity – the more skin is covered, the more “religious” the girls (and their surrounding communities) are believed to be.  In fact, it is taken quite literally in some cases: one Jewish community recently came out with an actual “Tzniut Ruler”, to be used by girls measuring their skirts around their knees…."   Read the rest here

Weighing in about the tefillin-and-girls firestorm in an op-ed at Ha'aretz: "No Jewish man has ever been subjected to this kind of examination and ownership. No man has ever been told that he is not “sincere” enough to put on tefillin – to wit, Chabad rabbis all around the world chase Jewish men begging them to wear tefillin, even if only for ten seconds, with nary a passing thought about whether they will ever do it again. Comparing the treatment of men’s “motives” and women’s “motives” around this commandment highlights an awful violation of women’s inner sanctity. It’s high time for the religious community to eliminate this language of women’s motives from its public discourse once and for all." Read the entire op-ed here

In the previous elections, many religious feminists voted for Meretz. Why? In this op-ed in Tablet Magazine mourning the death of Meretz leader Shulamit Aloni, Elana explores the ways in which feminism crosses the political divide in Israel: "For me, as a religious Israeli feminist, I have found that this ideology, driven by a feminist desire to see and respect the other, transcends other political divides. Demarcations of left-right increasingly seem to fade amid a feminist discourse that lays out a larger vision for Israeli society. To wit, some of the most significant pieces of legislation in today’s Knesset have come from feminist legislators crossing some of those more “traditional” political fault lines. Feminists on the right and the left have found remarkable ways to collaborate on vital issues that their male counterparts do not. I think about Shulamit Aloni and about the ways in which she was so often delegitimized as “leftist” in many of the circles that I have dwelled in, and I can’t help but mourn that loss of opportunity for exploring a shared vision."   Read the rest at Tablet.

The Jewish Women's Archives published a three-part series in which Susan Reimer-Torn interviews Elana Sztokman about her vision for religious feminism. Here are a few excerpts: Much of the halakha regarding women legitimizes exclusion. So if a form of exclusion is halakhic, is it ipso facto legitimate? Elana Sztokman: There is a lot more room for women’s inclusion within halakhah than is currently practiced in many places. For example, issues such as women serving on synagogue boards, women teaching the congregation, women giving sermons, even women making announcements—these are practices that really have few if any halakhic obstacles and yet are not practiced widely enough in Orthodox life. We have a long way to go in order to maximize women’s inclusion in areas where there is no real halakhic issue before even getting to that question of areas where there may be more debate. Some of JOFA’s early financing came from progressive Jewish groups and some non-Orthodox women. Why do you think they were persuaded to contribute? How important is this alliance? Elana Sztokman: The alliance between Jewish feminists from different denominations is so important. It’s vital for us all to recognize that we’re on the same journey of working to build a Jewish life that is both loyal to our traditions and committed to values of inclusion, compassion, justice and equality. We may end up in different places and with different solutions—one prays with a partition and one doesn’t; one has women rabbis and one has women as Maharats—but those differences are much less significant than our shared values. We need to support one another in our struggles, because our real strength comes from this kind of collegiality and collaboration. SRT: Do you believe in hard-wired gender differences? ES: The discourse of gender differences is very problematic, and that’s why we have to be really careful when we talk about a woman’s “way.” The second we start talking about a “women’s way,” we run a risk of falling into old patterns and traps of seeing women as “less,” as “softer,” as less capable of dealing with pressure, as less assertive, as less logical, or whatever. When we start to couch this in language of brain differences, we are basically turning sexist attitudes into some kind of pseudo-scientific data. I highly recommend Cordelia Fine’s book, Delusions of Gender. She is a neuroscientist and psychologist and does an expert job of debunking the pseudo-science of gendered brain differences. So again, I want to reiterate that when we talk about women’s contributions to transforming society, it’s based on culture, not biology. If men are typically acculturated into a kind of sterile individualism, women are acculturated into relationships, caring, and other-centeredness. Both of these personas are part of the human spirit, and all human beings need access to both characteristics, that is, individualism and connectivity. So the point is that bringing a “women’s culture” into Jewish life is not about “femininity” as an essence but rather about restoring cultural balance to a world that...

"It’s no secret that women have a hard time supporting one another. Sure, we’ll bring each other lasagnas and casseroles when we’re sick, and we’ll give each other warm hugs as we listen to one another kvetch. But real support, the kind where we stand behind one another and say, “This woman is my leader; I trust in her vision, and I am willing to follow her,” well, not so much. As Facebook Chief Operating Officer and “Lean In” author Sheryl Sandberg has pointed out, when women are successful, we all tend to attribute their success to luck or to pluck rather than to intelligence and worthiness. The more women have ambition and vision, the less they are considered likable, by women and men alike. When a woman does well, she tends to hear things like, “You must be lucky,” or, “You’re obviously persistent,” as opposed to, say, “You’re a skilled, intelligent visionary.” We tend to be more comfortable with women as soft, submissive and servile than we are with women of power. Jewish women — and yes, even Jewish feminists, even Orthodox feminists — need some rethinking and retraining in how we support one another. We need to take a page from Sandberg’s playbook. Orthodox women face most of the same issues that she has been talking about, plus more. I would argue that the very qualities that make Orthodox women so remarkable — the ability to manage regular weekly four-course gourmet meals for 20 while working full time and helping a bunch of kids with homework and soccer — also keep us from raising our chins. We’re so busy managing the pitchifkes, or day to day items, of our lives that we forget to see ourselves and other women as great leaders. It’s time for Orthodox women to unlearn this. We need to create social and communal structures that teach us how to empower one another, how to back one another, and how to form communal-feminist scaffolding for one another’s success and advancement. We need to unlearn an entire lifetime of conditioning that has made us doubt other women’s worthiness. We need to practice letting go of our dismissive, small-minded micro-managing and start embracing words and practices that strengthen and bolster one another’s work and vision. This does not happen automatically or naturally; these are behaviors that need to be taught and learned. It’s about undoing decades of internalized sexism. That takes work." Read more: http://blogs.forward.com/sisterhood-blog/190237/lean-in-orthodox-style/#ixzz2t7G7TdLB  

Some Hebrew-language musings on the connections between Kolech and JOFA, or on the need for cross-oceanic collaborations in religious feminism.     כתבתי מאמר בעברית באתר קולך בנושא כנס JOFA.... על שיתוף פעולה ועל הכוח שבא מחשיבה ופעילות משותפת. אשמח לשמוע תגובות http://kolech.org.il/show.asp?id=63941   ברור לי שיש כאן צורך גדול להדק את הקשרים בינינו וליצור דרך לשיתוף פעולה. פשוט חייבות. אין דרך אחרת. אנחנו זקוקות אחת לשנייה עבור ההצלחה של כולנו    השנה היתה שנה מאוד מרגשת עבור הפמיניסטיות הדתיות: שלושה כנסים בנושא דת ומגדר התקיימו תוך מספר חודשים ברחבי העולם. הכנס הראשון של JOFA-UK החדש, התקיים בחודש יוני בלונדון; כנס השני, של ארגון 'קולך', התקיים בספטמבר והכנס השלישי, כנס JOFA, התקיים בניו יורק בתחילת חודש דצמבר השנה (2013) הרצף הזה של כנסים המיועדים לדון בנושאי דת ומגדר בזה אחר זה בפינות שונות בעולם הביא איתו הזדמנות מיוחדת לבחון את הקשרים בין תנועות האחות הללו. התוצאות בינתיים הן מרתקות, ואולי אפילו מרגשות. אין ספק ש JOFA ו'קולך' הינן ארגוני אחות במלוא מובן המילה. כמו שתי ישויות שנובעות מאותו מקור, כאשר כל אחת עם אישיות הייחודית לה. ההקשר דומה אך קצת שונה, והרצון משותף לבנות בית חדש וחזק על בסיס ערכים משותפים. במשך השנה שחלפה היו לנו מספר אירועים שפעלו לחזק את הקשרים בינינו ואת החזון המשותף. נציגות  JOFA ו'קולך' נפגשו מספר פעמים במפגשי היכרות, לשמוע אחת מהשנייה ולדון בסוגיות משותפות, כגון מנהיגות נשים, נושא העגונות ומסורבות הגט ועוד. בירושלים, חנה קהת אירחה את נשות JOFA, ואח"כ סוזי הוכשטיין אירחה את הקבוצה. כשחנה קהת היתה בניו יורק בנובמבר שעבר 2012, הרמנו ערב של וועידת פאנל בנושא מעמד הנשים בארץ, יחד עם בלו גרינברג, ג'יין אייזנר, סוזן ווייס וננסי קאופמן, כולן נשים יהודיות פמיניסטיות מובילות (ואיזה כייף היה להפיק אירוע שבו כל הדוברות היו נשים! קיבלנו על זה ביקורת – למה לא שמרנו מקום לגבר – אבל בשבילי זאת היתה אפליה מתקנת, והיה פשוט נפלא לראות פאנל מלא בכח נשים! אני יכולה להבטיח שקהל של כ-75 איש לא היו משועמם!). לסיכום, שני הארגונים נמצאים כבר יותר משנה בתהליך משמעותי וענייני לגבי חשיבה, לקראת חזון משותף ואולי גם פעילות משותפת. וכל זה קורה בשנת הכנסים, כך שפעילות זאת צברה תאוצה וקיבלה אנרגיות חדשות. שמחתי מאוד לראות שמספר נשות וועדת ההנהלה של JOFA הגיעו לכנס 'קולך' בספטמבר, ושבלו גרינברג נשאה דברים בנושא נשים מסורבות גט. לי היתה הזכות, יחד עם חנה קהת, להוביל שיחה בלתי-פורמאלית בנושא שיתוף פעולה בין-ארגוני. שמענו מנשים וגברים על הצורך לבנות את הקשרים הללו, ללמוד מניסיונות של אחרים מרחבי העולם, וליצור מנגנונים לתמיכה הדדית בקרב אוכלוסיות המובילות שינוי מגדרי בעולם הדתי. בכנס JOFA בשבוע שעבר, היו נציגות/ים רבות/ים מהארץ, ביניהן/ם פרופ' תמר רוס, הרב דניאל שפרבר, דבורה עברון, ד"ר רוני עיר-שי, נורית יעקובס-יינון, רחלי ווסרמן, סוזן ווייס, נשים מנשות הכותל ועוד. היו גם דוברות מ'קולך': ריקי שפירא-רוזנברג וביטי רואי, וריקי סקרה את הפעילות החשובה של 'קולך' במיוחד בנושא נשים במרחב הציבורי. מאוד שמחתי שריקי באה לדווח על הנושא הזה, נושא שהוא לא מובן מאליו שהוא נמצא בתודעה של נשים אמריקאיות. גייסנו כסף במיוחד עבור הדיון הזה, ויותר מזה, הצלחנו לוודא שהנושא הזה יהיה חלק מהאג'נדה של כנס JOFA. אני רואה בזה...

Often, when I take a moment to remind myself what I’m grateful for, I think about my grandmothers. My life is so much different than theirs were – although in some ways still very much the same. I cannot help but stop in awe at the opportunities that I have that they probably would have loved to have. I especially think about my paternal grandmother, Beatrice Maryles Fink, z”l, who was a woman ahead of her time. She was one of a handful of Orthodox Jewish women who, in the 1930s, studied at Hunter College on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and received bachelors’ degrees. A few years ago, a friend of mine told me that her mother was part of that group as well, the ones who used to walk over the bridge from Brooklyn to get to college. They were as religious as they were serious about their secular learning, and despite many contrary stereotypes, they had no problem attaining advanced degrees while remaining fervently Orthodox. My grandmother’s degree was in math, of all things. Like I said, a woman ahead of her time. Her problems came when she dated. She used to tell us stories about how she hid her achievements from her dates, so as not to intimidate men by appearing, heaven forbid, smarter than them. In the end, she married my grandfather, Cantor David Maryles, z”l, who apparently was proud of having a smart wife. She was “old” at the time of their wedding (26 years old, I believe), and also taller than him – a big taboo in those days as well – but he did not seem to have been bothered. In every photo I’ve seen of them together, he looks deliriously happy. The story unfortunately did not have such a happy ending. My grandfather died at the age of 39 of leukemia, leaving my grandmother to care for five boys under the age of 12. She lived with her father-in-law for many years, working part-time as a bookkeeper to try and make ends meet. My father, who at 12 was officially the “man of the house”, also helped support the family from the time he became bar mitzvah. Wealthy they were not. From what I understand, it was more like just scraping by. So much for the power-woman with a degree in math who could conquer the world. Still, my grandmother held on tenaciously to her own intellectual dignity. She found every opportunity to take classes, and had fascinating contributions to make to every conversation, always commenting on social trends and human behavior. I think that it’s her imprint that made me interested in sociology so many years later. Her idea of a great birthday present was always a book. I still have a shelf at home lined with books that she gave me, all of them inscribed to me in her impeccable handwriting. I did not read most of them at the time, just as I did not appreciate her while...