Excerpt from Elana's op-ed in The Jewish Week "When my daughter was in kindergarten, her teacher decided that it would be nice to get mothers more involved in the class. So she invited us to what she thought would be a fun evening with a stylist who specializes in teaching people how to set their tables more elegantly. I made a futile attempt to explain to this lovely young woman why a women’s-only evening to teach proper table-care was throwing women back a generation or more, and that, by the way, fathers are parents, too. The teacher could not comprehend how something as innocuous as a get-together for table-setting mothers could be taken as offensive, and I eventually dropped the discussion rather than reduce her to tears. Clearly, this was her first encounter with some basic ideology of the movement for women’s equality." Read the rest here
Jewfem Blog
Often, when I take a moment to remind myself what I’m grateful for, I think about my grandmothers. My life is so much different than theirs were – although in some ways still very much the same. I cannot help but stop in awe at the opportunities that I have that they probably would have loved to have. I especially think about my paternal grandmother, Beatrice Maryles Fink, z”l, who was a woman ahead of her time. She was one of a handful of Orthodox Jewish women who, in the 1930s, studied at Hunter College on the Upper East Side of Manhattan and received bachelors’ degrees. A few years ago, a friend of mine told me that her mother was part of that group as well, the ones who used to walk over the bridge from Brooklyn to get to college. They were as religious as they were serious about their secular learning, and despite many contrary stereotypes, they had no problem attaining advanced degrees while remaining fervently Orthodox. My grandmother’s degree was in math, of all things. Like I said, a woman ahead of her time. Her problems came when she dated. She used to tell us stories about how she hid her achievements from her dates, so as not to intimidate men by appearing, heaven forbid, smarter than them. In the end, she married my grandfather, Cantor David Maryles, z”l, who apparently was proud of having a smart wife. She was “old” at the time of their wedding (26 years old, I believe), and also taller than him – a big taboo in those days as well – but he did not seem to have been bothered. In every photo I’ve seen of them together, he looks deliriously happy. The story unfortunately did not have such a happy ending. My grandfather died at the age of 39 of leukemia, leaving my grandmother to care for five boys under the age of 12. She lived with her father-in-law for many years, working part-time as a bookkeeper to try and make ends meet. My father, who at 12 was officially the “man of the house”, also helped support the family from the time he became bar mitzvah. Wealthy they were not. From what I understand, it was more like just scraping by. So much for the power-woman with a degree in math who could conquer the world. Still, my grandmother held on tenaciously to her own intellectual dignity. She found every opportunity to take classes, and had fascinating contributions to make to every conversation, always commenting on social trends and human behavior. I think that it’s her imprint that made me interested in sociology so many years later. Her idea of a great birthday present was always a book. I still have a shelf at home lined with books that she gave me, all of them inscribed to me in her impeccable handwriting. I did not read most of them at the time, just as I did not appreciate her while...
Zelda R Stern and Elana Sztokman's oped from The Jewish Week about the significance of the Maharat graduation: "Orthodox women are making history in front of our eyes. On June 16, three women will be ordained to serve, in effect, as Orthodox rabbis, given the title of Maharat (an acronym for the Hebrew words meaning leader in legal, spiritual and Torah matters). They will graduate from Yeshivat Maharat in New York City, the first and thus far only women to receive institutional ordination as religious and spiritual leaders in the Orthodox world. To a certain degree, this is not really news. Women have been working in Orthodox clergy position for years. And a handful of women have been privately ordained by Orthodox rabbis over the years. But next month’s graduation will mark the first time Orthodox women will be formally and publicly ordained with institutional recognition for the profound role women rabbis can play in Orthodox communities. Maharat women will perform virtually all the same pastoral and spiritual functions as men, plus a few. Orthodox women are often more comfortable approaching women about personal, intimate issues than they are approaching men. Maharat women will deal with those issues and have the potential to re-engage women in communal life — women who until now have felt that they have no leaders. As one young Orthodox woman recently told us, “When my husband doesn’t come to synagogue, the rabbi asks about it. But when I don’t come, he doesn’t even notice. I need a woman rabbi who I can connect to, who can take an interest in my spiritual life.” Read the rest at The Jewish Week
Chava is about to transform her life --but she needs your help! Chava is a 39-year-old single mother of four who has been dealt some very difficult blows in life and has managed to overcome. Well, almost. She's been on an inspiring journey of finding inner strength and empowerment, but still faces a major financial hurdle. We can help her, with your support.Together we can raise $10,000 and enable Chava achieve the freedom, dignity, and independence that she needs and deserves.- See more at: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/help-chava#sthash.TTwEIjxv.uDPDj5GT.dpuf As of today, February 9, 2014, we have raised over $900 of our goal! Chava is about to transform her life -- but she needs your help! Chava is a 39-year-old single mother of four who has been dealt some very difficult blows in life and has managed to overcome. Well, almost. She's been on an inspiring journey of finding inner strength and empowerment, but still faces a major financial hurdle. We can help her, with your support. Together we can raise $10,000 and enable Chava achieve the freedom, dignity, and independence that she needs and deserves. - See more at: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/help-chava#sthash.TTwEIjxv.uDPDj5GT.dpuf Chava is about to transform her life -- but she needs your help! Chava is a 39-year-old single mother of four who has been dealt some very difficult blows in life and has managed to overcome. Well, almost. She's been on an inspiring journey of finding inner strength and empowerment, but still faces a major financial hurdle. We can help her, with your support. Together we can raise $10,000 and enable Chava achieve the freedom, dignity, and independence that she needs and deserves. - See more at: http://www.rootfunding.com/campaign/help-chava#sthash.TTwEIjxv.uDPDj5GT.dpuf
Some Hebrew-language musings on the connections between Kolech and JOFA, or on the need for cross-oceanic collaborations in religious feminism. כתבתי מאמר בעברית באתר קולך בנושא כנס JOFA.... על שיתוף פעולה ועל הכוח שבא מחשיבה ופעילות משותפת. אשמח לשמוע תגובות http://kolech.org.il/show.asp?id=63941 ברור לי שיש כאן צורך גדול להדק את הקשרים בינינו וליצור דרך לשיתוף פעולה. פשוט חייבות. אין דרך אחרת. אנחנו זקוקות אחת לשנייה עבור ההצלחה של כולנו השנה היתה שנה מאוד מרגשת עבור הפמיניסטיות הדתיות: שלושה כנסים בנושא דת ומגדר התקיימו תוך מספר חודשים ברחבי העולם. הכנס הראשון של JOFA-UK החדש, התקיים בחודש יוני בלונדון; כנס השני, של ארגון 'קולך', התקיים בספטמבר והכנס השלישי, כנס JOFA, התקיים בניו יורק בתחילת חודש דצמבר השנה (2013) הרצף הזה של כנסים המיועדים לדון בנושאי דת ומגדר בזה אחר זה בפינות שונות בעולם הביא איתו הזדמנות מיוחדת לבחון את הקשרים בין תנועות האחות הללו. התוצאות בינתיים הן מרתקות, ואולי אפילו מרגשות. אין ספק ש JOFA ו'קולך' הינן ארגוני אחות במלוא מובן המילה. כמו שתי ישויות שנובעות מאותו מקור, כאשר כל אחת עם אישיות הייחודית לה. ההקשר דומה אך קצת שונה, והרצון משותף לבנות בית חדש וחזק על בסיס ערכים משותפים. במשך השנה שחלפה היו לנו מספר אירועים שפעלו לחזק את הקשרים בינינו ואת החזון המשותף. נציגות JOFA ו'קולך' נפגשו מספר פעמים במפגשי היכרות, לשמוע אחת מהשנייה ולדון בסוגיות משותפות, כגון מנהיגות נשים, נושא העגונות ומסורבות הגט ועוד. בירושלים, חנה קהת אירחה את נשות JOFA, ואח"כ סוזי הוכשטיין אירחה את הקבוצה. כשחנה קהת היתה בניו יורק בנובמבר שעבר 2012, הרמנו ערב של וועידת פאנל בנושא מעמד הנשים בארץ, יחד עם בלו גרינברג, ג'יין אייזנר, סוזן ווייס וננסי קאופמן, כולן נשים יהודיות פמיניסטיות מובילות (ואיזה כייף היה להפיק אירוע שבו כל הדוברות היו נשים! קיבלנו על זה ביקורת – למה לא שמרנו מקום לגבר – אבל בשבילי זאת היתה אפליה מתקנת, והיה פשוט נפלא לראות פאנל מלא בכח נשים! אני יכולה להבטיח שקהל של כ-75 איש לא היו משועמם!). לסיכום, שני הארגונים נמצאים כבר יותר משנה בתהליך משמעותי וענייני לגבי חשיבה, לקראת חזון משותף ואולי גם פעילות משותפת. וכל זה קורה בשנת הכנסים, כך שפעילות זאת צברה תאוצה וקיבלה אנרגיות חדשות. שמחתי מאוד לראות שמספר נשות וועדת ההנהלה של JOFA הגיעו לכנס 'קולך' בספטמבר, ושבלו גרינברג נשאה דברים בנושא נשים מסורבות גט. לי היתה הזכות, יחד עם חנה קהת, להוביל שיחה בלתי-פורמאלית בנושא שיתוף פעולה בין-ארגוני. שמענו מנשים וגברים על הצורך לבנות את הקשרים הללו, ללמוד מניסיונות של אחרים מרחבי העולם, וליצור מנגנונים לתמיכה הדדית בקרב אוכלוסיות המובילות שינוי מגדרי בעולם הדתי. בכנס JOFA בשבוע שעבר, היו נציגות/ים רבות/ים מהארץ, ביניהן/ם פרופ' תמר רוס, הרב דניאל שפרבר, דבורה עברון, ד"ר רוני עיר-שי, נורית יעקובס-יינון, רחלי ווסרמן, סוזן ווייס, נשים מנשות הכותל ועוד. היו גם דוברות מ'קולך': ריקי שפירא-רוזנברג וביטי רואי, וריקי סקרה את הפעילות החשובה של 'קולך' במיוחד בנושא נשים במרחב הציבורי. מאוד שמחתי שריקי באה לדווח על הנושא הזה, נושא שהוא לא מובן מאליו שהוא נמצא בתודעה של נשים אמריקאיות. גייסנו כסף במיוחד עבור הדיון הזה, ויותר מזה, הצלחנו לוודא שהנושא הזה יהיה חלק מהאג'נדה של כנס JOFA. אני רואה בזה...
Weighing in about the tefillin-and-girls firestorm in an op-ed at Ha'aretz: "No Jewish man has ever been subjected to this kind of examination and ownership. No man has ever been told that he is not “sincere” enough to put on tefillin – to wit, Chabad rabbis all around the world chase Jewish men begging them to wear tefillin, even if only for ten seconds, with nary a passing thought about whether they will ever do it again. Comparing the treatment of men’s “motives” and women’s “motives” around this commandment highlights an awful violation of women’s inner sanctity. It’s high time for the religious community to eliminate this language of women’s motives from its public discourse once and for all." Read the entire op-ed here
Read an excerpt of our new book, Educating in the Divine Image, at The Eden Center blog: "The concept of “modesty” as it is often promulgated has lost its essential meaning and been crudely twisted, manipulated and misused. What once referred to a spiritual demeanor, an internal, personal quest for growth, a framework for building kind and compassionate relationships among people in which no one person claims a high and mighty stance among her or his peers, has evolved into something else entirely. Today, when rabbis talk about modesty or “tzniut”, there is only one issue they have in mind: women’s bodies. "The misuse of this vital concept is not only unhealthy for women, who have become the objects of an almost obsessive religious gaze, but it is also terribly harmful to the religious Jewish community. The gaze on the female body has deprived the religious world of the discourse around the true meaning of modesty, a profound spiritual loss which threatens the very essence of religious practice. "Instead of talking about modesty as spirituality and character, we end up hearing about the lengths of women’s skirts and sleeves. All around the Orthodox Jewish world, religiousness has become synonymous with women’s dress. The length of the skirt, sleeve or neckline is used like a measuring stick of religious identity – the more skin is covered, the more “religious” the girls (and their surrounding communities) are believed to be. In fact, it is taken quite literally in some cases: one Jewish community recently came out with an actual “Tzniut Ruler”, to be used by girls measuring their skirts around their knees…." Read the rest here
Sara Ivry of Tablet Magazine interviewed Elana for the vox-pop about Educating in the Divine Image. Here's an excerpt: "Take prayer for example. Even among 3- and 4- and 5-year-olds, you have a lot of schools which will still make the boy leading the prayer service, he’ll be the hazzan, what’s called the cantor, the leader. And the girls will be in charge of, you know, choosing a picture or choosing a song or handing out the prayerbooks, the siddurim. So, even then, they’re 3 years old, they’re 4 years old. And the boys are the active leaders. The ones standing in front of the classroom leading. And they’re the ones who get to wear the prayer shawl, the tallit, and they get to make all the brachot, and everybody looks at them and says “Amen” to them. And the girls are the ones, you know, helping out, or looking pretty, or passively taking on other roles. So, that’s one really interesting issue that takes place in early childhood. "The other one is Shabbat, which is Friday afternoon or Friday morning, where many Jewish schools, and this is not just an Orthodox school thing, but most Jewish schools prepare the children for Shabbat by teaching them that there’s an ima of Shabbat and an abba of Shabbat. Like there is a mother and a father. And schools have many different ways for telling the boys what it means to be the abba, the father, and what it means to be the ima. So, sometimes it’ll be that the boy is in charge of making the blessings on the wine and the girl is in charge of lighting the candles. Sometimes it’s that the boy has to practice singing while the girl has to go home and, you know, bake a cake, for example. But what’s interesting is that in almost every single early childhood classroom, there are gender-segregated roles. So that children from really early on are learning that keeping Shabbat depends on what gender you are. There is a version of Shabbat that’s for boys, and there is a version of Shabbat that’s for girls. Listen to the entire interview here Read an excerpt of our book, Educating in the Divine Image at The Eden Center blog
Yesterday was “boy-girl” day at my daughter’s school. What does that mean, exactly, you wonder, as I did when the news arrived home? Turns out, it is part of the Purim lead-up week, when every day the school has another dressing-up theme, like the less-charged “pajama day” or “face paint day.” The school this year instituted a day when boys dress up like girls and girls dress up like boys.Now granted, the school may have found inspiration for this misguided idea from the many adult men who have dressed up as women over the years. When I was doing my research on partnership synagogues, one of my interviewees told me that I should write about how at his synagogue one year, no less than six men dressed up as women, and that in his opinion that says something about the men who are willing to pray in an egalitarian way. Presumably he was implying that a man dressing up like a woman is more in touch with his feminine side, whatever the heck that means. Or maybe that he just likes women. Or maybe he thinks that in the partnership synagogue, a place that pushes gender boundaries, it’s okay for a man to test his secret desire to go trans. However, it is telling that you don’t find many women dressing up as men (except for specific-costume men, like Charlie Chaplain). Women don’t dress like men because there is nothing odd about becoming a man. Pants and shirt, you’re done. It’s not so interesting. But the whole lipstick-scarf-skirt thing is, indeed, like putting on a costume. Many women put on this costume every day. I can imagine why it seems like fun for men. I can also understand why, as a daily routine that actually involves plucking, waxing, squeezing and brushing, putting on the real “woman costume” isn’t always as fun or painless as it seems. Read more: http://blogs.forward.com/sisterhood-blog/152219/#ixzz1no3Ci5wi
Deborah Weinberger and Beth Hurvitz: Pioneering Women Co-Presidents of Hebrew Institute of White Plains, NY When Beth Hurvitz, a fifty-two-year-old Senior Vice President of Visa and single mother of a thirteen-year-old daughter, was asked to become the first woman president of her synagogue , the Hebrew Institute of White Plains, she agreed on one condition: that her friend and colleague Deborah Weinberger would share the job with her. Deborah, a mother of three who works for Camp Ramah, teaches aquatics in Briarcliff, NY, and single-handedly built the synagogue thrift shop into a bustling source of revenue for the synagogue, readily agreed. Thus Deborah and Beth became not only the first women presidents of their Modern Orthodox synagogue, but also the first co-presidents. And they couldn’t be happier. In an interview with JOFA Executive Director Elana Sztokman, these two impressive women share their love for the job, for the community, and for one another. It’s an inspiring story of Orthodox women making change through partnership and care. Tell me a little bit about yourselves Beth: I have been living in New Rochelle, NY, and have been a member of the Hebrew Institute of White Plains my entire life. In fact, I was even named at the synagogue! Deborah: I grew up very differently from the lifestyle I’m living now. I grew up in New York City in a Conservative synagogue and went to Hebrew school, and I never knew this model of an inclusive, Modern Orthodox community existed. In my world, there was either Reform, Conservative or Lubavich, and nothing like this. When I first moved to White Plains with my husband and we had a baby, suddenly I was getting these meals from strangers – I had never experienced anything like that! That was amazing – many friendships started because of those meals – and it’s why I decided to get involved in the synagogue community. I sat on a few committees, starting with the new members committee, I ran a shabbaton, and then Beth and I launched a retreat, so that’s how our relationship started. From that point, it became apparent that we had complementary skills and talents, and we also had a really good time working together. Beth: It was very clear that we could work well together. Deborah knows everyone in the synagogue. She constantly keeps us in check to make sure we’re doing the right thing. Being the president of the synagogue is different than running a business. It’s about doing the right thing, building a community and making sure everyone has what they need. Deborah: It’s more like customer service, making sure our congregants feel heard and appreciated. Beth has all kinds of business skills and she’s a natural problem-solver. She is also a single mom by choice. I couldn’t manage a goldfish alone! Beth: Deborah has three amazing children and an amazing husband. She also runs the thrift shop in the synagogue and she has totally revitalized it. Today it brings in quite a...
